You Know You’re a Mom When…

Circa 2010

This is my own personal list. Please feel free to make your own.

1. You seriously contemplate driving four hours to a monster truck rally just to hear your five-year-old scream in joy, “Monstah Jaaaammmm!”

2. At one point in your life, you have told a child (without giving it a second thought), “quit touching the cat’s tail with your weiner.”

3. You then followed it up with, “I don’t care if it tickles; it’s just not right.” Again, without a second thought.

4. You tell your child they have onion pits. And then you let him/her use your deodorant.

5. You prefer to watch “Chowder” over the nightly news.

6. You know all the names of the characters in “Chowder” and give your child status updates on the episodes they missed.

7. Fancy dining is done at Applebee’s – take-out.

8. You automatically whip out the Ranch dressing at dinner time, because ranch goes good with everything.

9. You know what “bustin’ a grumpy” and “floatin’ an air biscuit” means, and see it practiced daily.

10. You expect a third, fourth, or fifth person in your bed every night. And not in a good way ;-).

11. It’s natural to pick other people’s noses for them. And eye boogies as well.

12. You own THAT book. You know the one which explains the birds and dah beez. And you dread the day you have to show it.

13. You know where the bathroom is located in every store or eating establishment and you know if it contains a changing table – by memory.

14. You run a nudist colony but don’t partake amongst the festivities for fear of being laughed at.

15. On some days, you look forward to going back to work and talking to a grown-up.

16. You can’t relate to Martha Stewart.

17. You refuse to give away your eleven year old daughter’s baby clothes because it’s too final.

18. You have the gag reflex of a sword swallower.

19. The release of a new Pixar/Disney/Nickolodeon movie is exciting to you because you know it buys you at least a two hour sanity break.

20. You have naughty thoughts about Sportacus from Nick Jr.’s “Lazy Town” and wish they’d put out new episodes. It’s honestly the second show (see #’s 5 & 6) you don’t mind watching with your kiddo.

Ok, I know there are more out there…List away!

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