Musings on the Corn-Teen

I don’t write nearly as much as I used to. I take great enjoyment in jotting down my thoughts and this corn-teen has definitely given me an opportunity to do so. One essential item preventing me from writing was the epic Netflix series, “Tiger King.” Until they finish Series 2, I’ve got some time on my hands.

Today’s blog will be a mishmash of experiences I’ve had over the past three weeks. Things that might inspire you and things that might not help you one damn bit. But they are all things important to me and need to be said (or so the little voice in my head tells me).

The first experience I needed to share was about the viral video going around involving the whipped coffee phenom. I discovered it watching Tik Tok videos. Before I explain the recipe, let me tell you about my love for Tik Tok. I don’t post videos – I’m just a voyeur. My kids, husband, and pets think I’m nuts as I sit there for hours watching videos. They hear my laughs, snickers, and snorts. I particularly like the trending dance videos as I feel as though watching them gives me a quasi workout. I don’t understand all or why some of the videos have been created, but it’s simple mindless entertainment. And I sure wish my kiddos would appreciate the 20+ videos I sent them a day. It just shows that I’m thinking of them. Jerks.

I digress. Back to the whipped coffee. Most of the recipes call for instant coffee, sugar, and boiling water. You whip these ingredients into a frenzy and then add it to your favorite milk product – I say this to not be exclusive of other milks – oat, almond, coconut, etc. We tried it and failed as we couldn’t get it frothy enough, but I still drank it. The taste was like bitter but kind of sweet instant coffee, and you probably could have chewed it rather than drinking it. After drinking it, I promptly renamed the coffee, “the colon cleanse,” and thanked my lucky stars for having purchased my Costco pack of TP just prior. It could have been a disaster.

After the home colonic, the next experience I’d like to share with you is that of social media. I swore off my personal FB page for almost four months, but this downtime has sucked me back in. One thing I quickly noticed were that people were still well, people, and the loudest, most obnoxious voice was still the most regarded. I’ve also noticed how (sadly), many of my friends are still sharing incorrect and often absolutely wonky information. I have learned the power of “unfollowing,” and it’s been a godsend. Now, I only see posts from people who keep their crazy in check and actually read past a headline. I don’t panic and it’s taxing on my anxiety to watch the folks who daily profess that the world is ending.

Overall, this corn-teen has been great on my housecleaning and yardwork but terrible on the pocketbook and overall morale. I hate it. I want to go back to work and I want life to be normal. I don’t want to feel weird or judged when putting things in my effing shopping cart at Safeway, in fears that Karen or Susan will deem it non essential. I’m sorry, but alcohol has been used as a disinfectant for years. Maybe not the margarita mixer, but you can just screw off with that sort of negativity. I want my kid to have an 8th grade graduation and my junior to not worry about his senior year- and my almost college graduate to think she’s not walking across the very expensive stage (!). And lastly, I just don’t want people to die.

Dear 2020, your lubeless tendencies this year have made me not a fan.

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